A conversation with myself...trying to sleep

Now I am on a 3^rd shift schedule during the week so it is hard for me to sleep during the weekend with the family.  What I typically do is take only a 3 hour nap Friday sometime and try to sleep at night with everyone else. The problem is that by 7 pm I am exhausted and typically by 8 asleep on the couch. Making my sleepy noises while the family giggles at me!  Here is a breakdown of what a typical night entails for me:

 

9:00pm: ahhhh!!! my bed feels so good!! I am going to sleep like a rock star! Ugh.. my hair is tickling my face! Damn fan! Gotta adjust my pillow, fix blanket over head, oh maybe I should sleep on my other side.... no wait the other side was better.  Why is my hair still tickling my face?  geez!!!

9:15pm: Time to count! I love this backwards counting works so nicely... 99, 98, 97....

11pm: ugh, what time is it? It’s only 11!!! My eyes burn, ugh can’t breathe, should I get up? Do I have to pee, maybe I should get up and pee?

11:15pm: I was so tired earlier why can’t I sleep?  I should be able to sleep. I’ll try counting. 99, 98, 97… noooo, I really need to blow my nose! I can’t breathe!

11:30pm: (In bathroom) I don’t want to turn on light if I do that I will really be up. But what if there is a spider somewhere. Damn it!!! Light must go on! OH MY EYES, too bright, why do they burn? Must they burn?

11:35pm: UGH! I can’t breathe!!!!! SHIT I FORGOT TO BLOW MY NOSE!!!!!

11:40pm: FINE!!! Get up again and go to blow nose! DAMN SINUSES!

11:45pm: OH MY GOD!!! That snoring is awful! Does he ALWAYS snore that loud? I can’t imagine I’d ever sleep through that! Maybe if I nudge the blanket? Ahh it stopped.. no wait… it’s even LOUDER! Maybe a slight kick to the leg. Oh yeah baby! He rolled over!!!

11:55am: Let me try counting again, 99, 98, 97…..88, 87….87…87… oh wait! Damn it I lost my place where was I???? REALLY?!?!?!  99, 98, 97…

1:15am: oh boy.. I wonder what time it is? Don’t look at the clock! If I look I will have a harder time going to back to sleep…. I really need to know.. NO I won’t do it… DAMN IT! It’s 1:15! Well it’s still early enough. If I try to close my eyes I can still get a decent amount of sleep in.

1:20am: Oh Man!! I forgot I have that gift card for the dress barn. I should totally use that today. What do I want to get? Do I need shirts or pants? I really need summer carpi's. Maybe that is what I will get? Where are my summer carpi's? I can’t believe I haven’t taken them out yet! I’ll have to do that too.

1:30am: ohh wow! That was a great sleep! Wait.. why is it so dark? What time is it? ONLY 1:30!!!!!!  Shit it felt like I was asleep for 8 hours.. ugh now what???? Hmm I think I have to pee again. I can’t possibly have to pee again, I just went.  OH MY GOD WHY DO MY EYES HURT?????  I really need to sleep.

1:40am: He’s too quiet! Is he sleeping or awake?  Whisper: honey?? Honey??.... IS HE BREATHING??? I can’t see! OH MY GOD what is that dark shadow??? There is a shadow??  GET A GRIP!!! No one is there! I need a light… where is the remote, I’ll turn on the TV. I swear I am not watching any more scary movies!!!!   Ahhh.. there. See I knew it was nothing. Oh, he moved, he’s breathing.

1:50am: Gotta buy bread, oh and I really need more eggs. Oh and I CANNOT forget that damn Parmesan cheese for the kids. I do NOT want to hear about that again.

3:00am: SWEET! Got a hole other hour of sleep! WOOT WOOT! Oh YEAH! I ROCK! Oh What was that noise? Probably the cats… or someone has broken in and is taking my girls. Oh STOP!! It was just the cats! Right??? DAMN IT!!! I really watch too many scary movies!  I gotta check.

3:10am: Kid 1 all is good! How can she sleep like that? OH MY GOD her room is such a mess! Kid 2 all is good! JESUS!!! Damn cat scared the shit out of me.  UGH, gotta pee!

3:15am: brrrrrrr! Bed is cold! Mmm perfect! 99, 98, 97…..

4:00am: yawn… what?!?! It’s only 4! Wahhhhh! Why??? Is Todd up? NO! maybe I’ll just lay here and hopefully go back to sleep.

4:10am: I give up!  I'm up! I'm up!!